What You Don't Know About Aladdin
by nickprince
Summary: An exclusive statement right directly from a very unreliable source about Aladdin's true existence. This statement has been hidden to the world as part of his world domination scheme.


DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A PARODY. ANYTHING BELOW IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND OR HARM ANYONE. SONG LYRICS WERE BORROWED FROM THE MOVIE ITSELF.

I am sure you are familiar with this great song from Aladdin, Out of Thin Air. It is nasty to think you can't get it out of your head. Man, it's been about 18 or 19 years since the song played and you never got the slightest idea of what the song really meant.

It has been a great secret but to be deciphered someone who got fond of it throughout the years, it would be very difficult. You know what it is all about?

You might first think about it as to how Aladdin longed for his father who he never yet saw in real life. Of course, that won't happen. He will never ever see me in person. But I can smell him when I do that very magnificent act of human nature. Do you know what I mean?

Aladdin's a fart gas. A colored air. Occurred in several sounds. And I am his farter. He was not my son. He was a by-product of my over all metabolism, I guess. But to answer his longing, I'll tell you, it is true. Aladdin never come out of thin air. He came out as a thick, foul, brown polluting gas that has poisoned a lot and I say nearly destroyed the planet.

It is clear on my memory the day he was gone out of me. That is when my stomach churns up, and the lovely tingly feeling spread across my glutues (ass muscles).

My beautiful crush passed by me. That I made a loud, PPOOOOTTTTT...PPPPOOOTTTTTTT...PTTT.

Along with the glorious sound was her blinking eyes and her lovely smile.

Smile for the other guy, who hands her a bouquet of flowers.

That idiot! She didn't knew how good I farted for her. Stupid! I hate being questioned too much so don't piss me off about that stupid bull crap girl.

I am sure you are flustered and confused about who I am and what really is your handsome street rat. I know it is really been tough for Aladdin to fit in to the society most especially if you are a living fart who exist in the most undesirable smell. Well, the vitality of this feature makes Aladdin exceptional. You didn't know that. You can't smell anything inside the screen, you know. And if you know, will you still watch him? Now you know.

Man, personifying such incredible existence sucks. Hello? Fart gas to a good-looking boy? Are you insane? Well, let us get over the sense of what I am trying to tell you. That song from the last movie just gave you enough hint about Aladdin. Just change the word, father to farter in the lyrics. My, why does the word, farter turns red? The heck it is not recognized in English dictionary.

 _Oh, Jasmine_

 _You don't understand  
There is so much that you don't see  
Just think, if you can,  
What growing up had to be like for me  
Your farter's a man  
Who taught you who you are-  
Mine was never there  
So how can you say I don't come out of thin air?  
There's so much I want to know_

 _You've got the chance to learn_

 _If it means I'd have to go,_ _I'll be right here when you return..._

 _Our wedding can wait_ _I love you. I_ _think it's worth this small delay_

 _Maybe you're right_

 _And won't it be great  
To have your farter see our wedding day?_

 _I've waited so long_ _It isn't too late_ _to learn the truth_

 _And now at last, we can finally say_

 _Your farter is really there_

 _There's so much that we might share..._ _And you'll finally learn_

 _You don't come out of thin air..._

See? Just when the word come into phrase, all made sense. The reality behind Aladdin comes to light. He was never a thin air! He personally had it sensed he was not just a plain gust of air. It is part of his nature to got through of what he really is. Being a thin air does not mean anything at all, that you came out of nothing but is naturally existing in the atmosphere. Being a fart is just different. These feelings led him to confusion. And how he existed is because of me who never got the chance to show up into the world.

If you think he lived happily ever after with that crazy brat princess, Jasmine, quit fooling around you idiot! Aladdin was never seen again after I set him free, free out of the great world, flying up in the air and of course, contributing to global warming.

I slowly thought it has been a mistake to make Aladdin soar high. I think it is my fault why the green house gases immediately heightened and there is climate change.

Sure is he was a strong boy. He never died after those three movies and that all I know he was a superstar. But the truth is, it was all that stupid bastard, Jafar's fault to kill him. He was so insecured that a fart can take the spot light over him which is something more visible and tangible.

Did you know Jafar was a fart poop? He was farted by an arrogant fool (that jenkem addict who ferments his own shit and suck all the fumes) who tried to fool a dog high in heroine in fart noise contest. Unfortunately, his fart turned into involuntary manuring. Jafar has been so proud of himself to cause all that record breaking stink in their town. His farter died afterwards by being hit by a truck. The truck driver was blinded with the brownish dark air and the merciless smell.

Well, if I am Jafar, being poop defeated by a fart gas is beyond normal frustration. Tangibility-wise, he was over the edge but Aladdin's promising foul smell caused much influence. I had to admit it, his smell commits his outstanding presence for the movie.

Aladdin ventured a lot and cut the crap out of that shit bits Jafar. But soon, he planned on getting revenge after being fooled to be a prince (of course I abandoned him in the clean air) after all those movies. What he can't get rid of thinking about is the hidden truth about him, being a reckless fart who travels and destroys the atmosphere. He never knew it was all because of him why the global temperature gradually increases degree by degree, the ice in poles melt down and the catastrophic slow down of Earth's rotation (if in case you knew that speculation that December 31 will be another leap year date). I don't know what plans he plots out for that revenge. But with all this, he's more than a mountain crap.

It has been a long time now since I set him free. I had no way of knowing now what he thinks. I don't speak fart you know.

He had brothers and sisters right sealed in an LPG tank. Of course they are methane-producing gases. Just don't mind the smell and you'll have energy.

Apart from all those nonsense, here is what I could share to you with all my heart. If you smell your own fart gas, just remember my fart's handsome face. That way, your fart life routine might really be enjoyable, imagining a stud smiling right before you poop. That's a better way to tolerate the past of your own shit.

If you ask about his mom, well, is it necessary to have sexual relations for farting? I don't think so. I told you, I am his farter, not his father. I am a happy anti-social, psychopathic mammal, you know (after being ignored by that moll). I eat grass and hang around the forest all by myself.

That is what makes the whole of me.

I suddenly thought being a skunk wasn't bad at all. I made a roaring legend despite all the crap it has been. Aladdin.

Remember that! This skunk rules over farts. Not just a fart, but a fart that you never know you already breathe. It had been around 24 years you know (if you still remember Aladdin's first release in 1992).

In that case, the world domination I am plotting out was on its launch. I already invaded your nostrils down to your lungs. My, I am a genius.

And yeah, I am a skunk.


End file.
